This was written about the Anastasis. There is no rust or cockroaches on the Africa Mercy (yet), or overhead announcements (boo-hoo!), but the rest of it still applies...
1. Sleep on a sofa in the garage.
2. Replace the garage door with a curtain
3. Three hours after you go to sleep, have someone whip open the curtain, switch on all
the lights and mumble, “Sorry, did I wake you.”
4. Renovate your bathroom. Take out the bath and move the showerhead down to chest level.
Keep four inches of soapy cold water on the floor, let everything rust and rip the tiles out. For a more realistic ship bathroom experience, stop using your bathroom and use a neighbour’s, who lives at least a quarter mile away.
5. When you take showers, wear flip-flops and keep a supply of two inch cockroaches handy.
6. Don’t watch TV except for films in the middle of the night. Have your friends vote on which film to watch, and then show a different one.
7. Leave a lawnmower running in your living room 24/7 for proper noise levels. Have random kids bang on pots and run around.
8. Keep moving locations. Drive to a new town once a week and give yourself two hours to find a supermarket.
9. Get 50 friends to come live in your house for a weekend. Have them line up for food at exactly 6:30, 12noon and 5pm. All food should contain carrots.
10. Spend 48hours in an airport lounge, and listen attentively for your name on the overhead page system. When you hear your name sprint to the nearest phone and wait for a familiar voice from home.